Reaching beyond loneliness (of all kinds)


I began this site on a whim — to network with people — without much deliberation on exactly how I was going to do that. I thought I would explore that topic a bit here and now.

Something I have noticed is that there are many flavors of loneliness. There’s the ever-popular yet dreaded romantic loneliness. There’s situational loneliness such as when you encounter a situation or challenge and have no one to share your story with. There’s what I call “spiritual loneliness” where you feel that you can’t share who you really are with anyone because you don’t trust that they will get you. There’s loneliness within relationships where much of the love has vaporized and, well, it’s complicated.

Loneliness is everywhere. I think most of us feel it some of the time and too many feel it most of the time.


As terminology, soul embraces to me means reaching out to people from a soul-level consciousness. It’s putting into practice the idea that we are all eternal souls living a physical experience in Earth School to learn about universal love. We embrace each other spiritually — no matter what the physical or romantic circumstances might be. We understand that everyone is working through life lessons and that we are all both teacher and student.

In any of the flavors of loneliness mentioned above, a soul embrace would be two (or more) souls sharing in the context of healing the particular flavor of loneliness. If someone is romantically lonely, the healing would be there. If someone is grieving over the death of a loved one or a relationship break-up, a soul embrace would send healing there.

A soul embrace may be physical or sensual love, but also mental, emotional, and spiritual. It’s being open-hearted, nurturing, healing, empathic, inspirational. Soul embraces fit the situation whether you are in person or on Skype or on the phone or communing in chat or email.

Fine, but how do we do that? How do we get there?


My vision is to create a site where people come to learn about soul embraces and transcending loneliness. Simply by coming here and perhaps posting a comment to a relevant blog post, they will also be announcing their existence to the reading community. From there, anything can happen.

I call this connecting the dots. This is how relationships are made. I have always had great trust in the universe to lead me to people and people to me. We go where we are needed or wanted or have been divinely appointed.

By describing your situation, the particular flavor of loneliness you are dealing with, you can wave the flag of your dot. Maybe someone will see it who waves a similar dot on his or her flag. By the power of universal serendipity, you may find the right friend, someone who can empathize with you. Even if that doesn’t happen, I think the exploration on transcending loneliness will be quite valuable.

This is not intended to be a commercial (paid) site or an overt matchmaking site. Rather, it’s just people connecting with people through their stories. I am definitely hoping to expand my own friendship network, and soon I will post my own story to wave the flag of my dot.

Back before email, I was at the hub of a little printed and snail mailed publication called Enlighten. I discovered that people (including myself) made connections that would have been considered wild long shots if meeting had been their intention. People from different states met and formed relationships. It was an unlikely connect-the-dot medium, but it was right for some people.

I believe something similar could happen here despite seeming low odds. These days we have enormous networking power with Facebook, Twitter, other blogs, etc. If just twenty of us posted blog post links on Facebook, for example, that would increase the flow of people coming by.

I know I want to make new friends with whom I can find rapport at a deeper level. Maybe you do, too. Maybe this is a good way.

Loneliness in media


Watch out for what you’re watching!

In our mass media culture, loneliness is a cookie cutter stereotype. In the movies it usually filters down to someone who doesn’t make muster in the popularity game. They rarely get asked out or if they are the one asking, they frequently suffer rejection, often in a cruel way.

Their issue might be their odd looks (remember Powder?) or a personality too quirky for mainstream acceptability. Ironically, this frequently makes them interesting as movie characters but in movie reality they often suffer the brutalities of ego warfare.

The stereotype is that being lonely is the sign of personal failure and crippling ineptitude. Loners are dorks. Might as well tattoo a scarlet letter on their foreheads to warn everybody of the cootie potential residing therein.

The way society responds to loneliness is often borne out in the term lonely hearts, as in lonely hearts club. This usually translates as Lonely Losers Club. If you look at how movies portray a lonely heart’s situation, it is usually to emphasize their quirky natures as of to say, “This is why s/he’s lonely.”

In our society, loneliness also translates as being a major indicator that someone is harboring visions of becoming a psychopathic serial killer. They’re lonely. They’re loners. No one loves them. So they finally wig out and kill people to display their rage at a loveless society—and capture some fame in a society that rewards its killers with massive amounts of attention.


If you’re lonely, you probably watch a lot of movies. I do. And what I see is that the movies like to portray life’s shitty side. Movie, TV, and computer screens everywhere are filled with endless tours of angst. Even when there is a happy ending and ultimate success, which is supposed to make up for all the shit crammed down a character’s (and the viewer’s) throat, ostensibly to lead to a more emotionally fulfilling punch at the end, on balance it’s still a case of everything that can go wrong probably will.

The unmistakable conclusion I make to all of this is that as a society, we have an emotional shit fetish. We’re addicted to violence, conflict, and, well, shit. Markets respond to fetishes because that’s where the customers and their dollars are. If there wasn’t a demand for it, there would be no economic incentive to keep pumping it out.

I can easily see a world where we imagine and explore solutions more than expose problems. I can see a world where our stories explore the world as we want to see it be—the proverbial heaven on earth—than further exploit what’s wrong with it. We could show more of what’s possible and less of what’s shitty.

Barack Obama rode the wave of hope and change to office because people were so hungry for an optimistic vision. It’s that same force field of human desire that could be tapped into to envision a more loving, caring society. Right now people have a huge preponderance of the bad to imitate. It’s so easy to find shit to watch. Hard to get away from it. But finding visionary and solution-oriented material to be inspired by?


The bottom line is that most depictions one will see of loneliness highlights suffering and failure. It means if you’re lonely you stand a good chance of taking on aspects of the negative stereotypes. (“I am lonely, therefore, I must be a failure.”) That adds to the existing burden of feeling isolated and often unloved.

I would love to see some major changes to how we do things. One would be to create more resources for people to find positive solutions to problems. Another would be for our entertainment media to produce positive visionary material. The third would be to evolve ways for people to help people deal with social situations like isolation and exclusion.

The vision of this site is to help in some small way by somehow fostering networking where people can find and assist others. The ultimate aim is creating solutions.

Out-of-the-closet woo-woo

Last night I went to an IANDS group in Saratoga, California and listened to author Luis Minero speak about out-of-body experiences. He’s lost count of the times that he has detached his consciousness from his physical body and explored different dimensions of reality.

The sensation of mine that I am most eager to share with you is how utterly normal out-of-body experiences were for this man. Normal. Ordinary. No big deal to do — but a very big deal how significant it is to be able to do it. When you know about how to do it, the world opens up in incredible ways.

In the meantime, just earlier that afternoon I finished reading Proof of Heaven, the new best-seller written by neurosurgeon Eben Alexander about his extraordinary near-death experience, as if any near-death experience isn’t extraordinary!

One of the themes quite regularly repeated throughout his book is how — before his NDE — Eben politely listened to his patients talk about their paranormal experiences, but through the veil of all his medical training, he knew that his patients were misguided. According to his best knowledge, the primo information that the scientific-medical community has put forth, their brains were incapable of what they all told him happened to them. He essentially ignored them. Flat out didn’t listen — until it happened to him.

My dominating thought through receiving all of this input is why aren’t the mainstream media spending more time with this stuff? The news and newspapers drone on with all the regular soap opera and melodrama, often increasing our fear of death and sensitivity to conflict, and yet here not very far away in a book or at a meeting at a church are examples of out-of-the-closet woo-woo in the very public eye.

Paradigms are wobbling and may soon fall. It’s an exciting time to be alive. Weird is the new normal.

Dream lovers

Dream loversI continue to be enthralled with my dream lovers. And yes, by dream lovers I mean those intriguing women who show up when I am asleep — or awake in some other dimension.

Some of the times I know them as people who have lives here on Earth that at some point intertwined with mine — dream versions of physical-life lovers. Other times they are quite new to me — new to the Joshua Bagby brain, I mean. In the dream world we are either old friends (even though I don’t know them in physical reality) or we are strangers who become instant lovers. My dream world has its own reality.

I am excited to consider the possibilities of who these people are in this meta-reality I share in dreams. Some of the behaviors that happen or the assumptions made in dreams are quite simply not of this time and space. They show worlds flowing with different possibilities, different ethics, different beliefs. The thought occurred to me that maybe they are relationships from the future.


In The Last Frontier, Dr. Julia Assante introduced the idea that I could contact my future lives.  Julia apparently met one of her future incarnations, a guy with an edgy sense of humor. He kidded her about her tardiness when she finally figured out how to leave her body, time travel, and meet him. It gives the impression that time travel is old hat in the future. It also implies that maybe some of the dreams I have and the relationships I enjoy in those dreams are part of my soul’s future, a future incarnation.


Something I love about my dreams is that they often introduce new paradigms for living. For instance, for me and my dream lovers, sex is so different. It hardly ever looks like modern day erotica, either mainstream or pornstream. It’s as if the rules written for sexual conduct here don’t apply to conduct there, and I must say, it’s an improvement.

It’s so much more about love there — being loving, being friendly, being caring. Even when things happen that in this world would be placed high on the kink-o-meter, the most important ingredient in that world is love. It’s love empowered in the now. I may meet a stranger, fall instantly in love, and off we go with wondrous affection and no worries. Kinda paradisiacal.

It also intrigues me how dreams featuring current or former lovers from physical life sometimes show entirely different personalities and realities. For instance, I clearly remember a dream where a lover who abruptly abandoned me in our teenage years showed up all lovey dovey in subsequent dreams. I have learned not to interpret these happy endings as signs from heaven, but it is still great fun to ponder the spiritual reality behind these dreams.

Dream lovers provide windows into other ways of being, and I am always grateful for the reminders and the loving energy they provide. I don’t dismiss them as just”brain fiction” or wish fulfillment. I honor them as a form of spirit communication from the deep pool of inspiration.

Life in Earth School

It helps me greatly, especially during times of stress or loneliness, to think of life on this planet as Earth School. As souls we chose to send ourselves here to learn lessons about love, sweet love.


“Woo-hoo! Woo-Woo U!”

Earth School is a great metaphor for me to get behind because in regular schools, we are given challenges that have been designed by teachers to lead us to a higher awareness. Even though as students we realize that we are enrolled in a reality simulator, we still know that we are in a protected place where we are being taught. There are consequences for failing and growing pains as we learn, but still we know it is school and there is assistance if we want it.

It helps me rally my strength and look for innovative solutions to problems when I think that the obstacles and challenges have been placed there by design. Much of the spiritual reading that I do seems to concur that we are students in Earth School. There is a plan to all of this and chaos is not it.

So even though we’re taught to “face reality” here, it’s still an illusion. So they say anyway.


I like to wonder who designs the lessons and who does the teaching in Earth School? The spiritual literature indicates many different scenarios, always difficult for those of us who want consistency in our visions of cosmic reality. Does God teach us/help us? Does Jesus? Do angels? Do spirit guides and ascended masters? When it is said that “we” create our own realities, what exactly is the “we” part? Our conscious selves? Our soul selves? Our oversouls? The god who created the oversouls?

Just as we sometimes resent our teachers and professors for the rigors they create for us, I think we sometimes have issues with our spiritual guides and teachers. If that teacher is our oversoul, the master curriculum coordinator of our reincarnational journey, it poses some fascinating dynamics. When something really bad happens, do we ask, “Why did God allow this to happen to me?” Or, “Why did I (the part that creates my reality) let this happen to me?” Or “What is my dear oversoul thinking?”

Why was I let go from my cool job? Why did I that car run into me in the prime of life? Why did I get dumped? Why was I cheated on? Why did I get robbed? Why did I catch ___? Why did ___ ? Why was ___?

Was it all planned as a lesson?

Still in all, I like working with the Earth School concept. It has become a great tool for me to put problems into perspective — to think of them as a puzzle to artfully solve. It’s better than thinking of myself as a victim of chance.


I like to live my life and express myself in more simple terms. Sometimes they are so simple that I make up words to express myself. I think this is a great leftover skill from childhood.

Some people often perceive me as this mighty intellect, but I say nope to that. I do like to mull through complex thought puzzles at times, but I am not one to hang out too high on the abstraction ladder. Writer though I may be, I am not great at pontificating because I like to steer my ideas to simplicity.

Whoosh is a great example.

It’s a word I coined the other day to represent the sometimes intense blast of energy that I have felt while hugging people under special situations — and what they have felt when hugging me. It’s much more fun to call it whooshing then to strap it down for intellectual analysis of kundalini energy states and chakra alignment.

A couple of days ago I wrote this:

Sometimes words just won’t do.

Words are wonderful, full of zip, full of zap, but sometimes they just won’t do. Sometimes they don’t express what is going on deep inside.

Not like a whooshing hug does.

I am awakening from my year-long slumber like a bear from an extended hibernation holiday.

I want to hug someone and feel the force of it whooshing my heart out. (OMG, my whoosh feels like Yosemite Falls whooshing sideways!)

Then to feel the whoosh answered.

I want to feel her quiver in my arms, a whoosh generator like me.

We crave whooshing.

(What do you truly yearn for?)

When whoosh flows, all we feel is whoosh.

The outer world melts away — only whoosh is left.

Be here now.

Whoosh here now.