What would you tell me?

What are we not telling each other?

What are we not telling each other?

I like to call it the deep end of the pool. It is that place in consciousness where communication is not shallow or superficial. It is where truth is spoken. Deep truth, even when it is silly.

We in our culture are not usually taught to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth — except in legal proceedings. We are taught to be nice. Being nice often means not sharing real feelings, not rocking the boat, not offending anyone. Others are taught to be anything but nice. They’re taught to rage and abuse and deceive and manipulate — to be street smart.

But now I am not talking about extremes. I am talking about everyday normal and all the truth we censor out of our conversation and sometimes even our thoughts.

What would you tell me or ask me if you didn’t feel you had to censor things? What would I tell or ask you if we had true freedom of speech?


I wonder about all the things people don’t say to each other because they’re trying to adhere to some idealization of good taste. I wonder how interesting conversations (and life!) would be if we didn’t have that normal level of self-imposed censorship.

Some of those things could be fun. “Describe your favorite kiss.” “Tell me your most joyous secrets.” “What about me makes you feel good?” “What would you really like to do with me for the sheer joy of it?” “What was your most interesting paranormal experience?” “What are your favorite subjects in Earth School?” “What’s the sexiest thing you’ve ever done?” “What have you wanted to do that you haven’t done yet?”

Some more profound. “What do you really think of me?” “What do you really think of my wife/husband/lover?” “What do you really think of your wife/husband/lover?” “What terrifies you?” “What is your life mission?” “What were the last lies that you told?” “What laws have you broken?” “What is your greatest personal accomplishment (and what makes it so great?)” “What are your biggest heartbreaks?”

Sometimes I find small talk and polite conversations almost tortuous. I say almost torturous because when they happen I slip away inside my own imagination, not hanging around in full conscious alertness to endure the boredom. I think I am hard-wired to do that. or else I learned it at a very young age and never outgrew it.


It’s fun swimming in the deep end of the communication pool, and I like to attract to myself people who can dive in. I think it’s why many of us flock to movies, TV, stand-up comedy, and other places where we the people are allowed to step beyond normal, ordinary stilted conversations and enjoy more intellectual and emotional freedom to wing it and zing it.

3 thoughts on “What would you tell me?

    • Joshua Bagby says:

      It was great. Your focus was “nice” women but it had a lot to say for those of us brought up to be “nice” guys, too. I look forward to reading more of your stuff, Lela.

  1. KraftedKhaos says:

    I don’t believe that human beings have reached the level of self-awareness to be able to have uncensored conversations with one another.

    The level of censorship also depends on the level of potential fallout from being honest. That’s why most people can be brutally honest with their therapist, because they know that the things they say are legally private, and that they have recourse should that seal of patient confidentiality be broken, but not so honest with their spouse, who can make their lives a living hell should that ‘honesty’ go beyond what can be borne by that person.

    When humanity, and individuals, reach a level of self-awareness that allows them to view everything with objectivity, instead of through lenses of personal offense, then perhaps we can all indulge in total honesty.

    But then again, if we were all totally honest, such exchanges would rarely be necessary, because our thoughts and feelings about people/subjects would already have been made clear.

    Half of the beauty of receiving total honesty from someone is that it means that they have seen in you a certain amount of trustworthiness, that you are someone with whom they can be totally open with.

    If we were all like that, it would take the honor out of being let inside, would it not?

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