Deep pool friendships

Loving life in the deep end of the pool.

Loving life in the deep end of the pool.

I have a metaphor for friendships that I especially like. It deals with water, my favorite element. I like to think of friendships and love relationships in terms of how deep I can dive into them.

With some people I can dive way down deep into their consciousness. They sing to me, “Come on in, the water’s fine!”

They provide plenty of room for me to swim around amid their thoughts and feelings. They reflect with me, share with me, emote with me. In the best cases, there are no secrets.

With other people you really have to watch yourself. Don’t dive in without looking for boulders, jagged edges, and other hidden obstacles. These people are aloof, evasive, defensive, argumentative, judgmental. This is what I call the shallow end of the pool. I can rarely merge with who they truly are. They are not big on self-revelation and personal growth.

Much of our society is taught to stay in the shallow end of the pool. Don’t dive too deep or you’ll split your head open when you hit bottom. Don’t get too intimate, too probing, too personal. To me conversations while dressed in Hazmat suits are about as exciting as watching a convention of gnats (which I grant you under certain lighting conditions can be intriguing, too.)

I am a deep pool kind of guy. It probably stems from being a creative writer who always needs to think multidimensionally about my characters’ external behavior and their internal world. It also stems from my college education, much of which clued me into looking for the hidden meaning beneath the surface of the obvious.

Deep pool friendships in Earth School are very rare, and I am so grateful when they manifest. The deeper the pool, the less the censorship, the less the hiding, the less the packaged personality and schtick.

Come on in, the water’s fine.

10 thoughts on “Deep pool friendships

  1. nikkir1972 says:

    Great blog…and I agree:)

    I also write, and I am continually amazed when I develop a character and somehow…of their own “free will” become someone else than I intended them to be.

    I am the same way with other people. I can immediately pick out those that I am never going to get beyond the “nice weather, did you catch that “add show.””

    Others, it is indeed a deep pool….

    • Joshua Bagby says:

      Oh, yes, isn’t that fun when characters you invent start taking off on their own? That’s when I need to step out of the way and let them do their thing. Sometimes they have become great teachers for me when I allow them their freedom to be.

      Welcome to the deep end of my pool!

  2. nikkir1972 says:

    On occ I do get mad at them and ask why they had to go that way. (is that a sign of insanity?) After all, I had specific plans and how dare they make up their own mind….ah well, usually if you go with the flow it works out well.
    I think sometimes a character is aspects of us that needs expressing that we keep hidden and through writing, it makes it’s way out:)

    • Joshua Bagby says:

      I will usually let them have their say … and reserve the right to edit later for the sake of the project. I am also a slow writer because there is a lot of reworking that I do. And I definitely believe that characters are aspect of ourselves, in this life or sometimes in past lives. I recently saw an interesting documentary about ventriloquists and saw how so many of them grew up as introverts and that they let themselves out in their art through the puppet characters. Similar deal.

      • nikkir1972 says:

        It’s funny in that way. Often times I don’t see myself in the character at all, then I reread/edit and think, wow there I am.
        Yes I can see that concerning ventriloquists.
        Past lives, I wrote a blog on another site a few months back concerning reincarnation. I haven’t decided one way or another…in a way, more enjoyable to ponder versus making a definite decision:)

  3. Joshua Bagby says:

    As a creative writer I like to keep an open mind about woo-woo things such as reincarnation, and I agree with you that the quest is more fun than the decision. It keeps the “gee wow” curiosity aflame. Right now I am (slowly) writing a novel that takes place in heaven, so I am having fun inventing heaven. It’s quite a journey!

  4. KraftedKhaos says:

    I concur! Those people who you can sit and ponder the ‘sticky’ things with, who not only share their ideas, but adds a caveat stating that, if you can come up with something better, I’m open to change my point of view… those are the people who are the most fun to be around!

    But there are just SOME people with whom it is impossible to talk about anything deeper than the crust of their pizza 😉

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