Here is a most interesting personal growth exercise (or flat-out just-for-thrills game) that you can adapt to your particular situation. Maybe you are single and without a love interest. Maybe you are in hot pursuit of love yet find yourself mired in obstacles to its fruition. Maybe you are in a relationship or marriage, which can either be spot-on wonderful or veered-off-the-path into the doldrums.
Do you ever fantasize about what you crave someone would say to you? Maybe you would love for that handsome and beautiful stranger to strike up the conversation from heaven (as opposed to the conversation from hell.)
Or maybe you want to work through a conflict with someone you love and are waiting for that person to say something you long to hear that would instantly make you happy.
I decided that much of my life has been about waiting, waiting, waiting for people to say something precious to me — to express to me as if out of the blue my sacred inner yearnings or beliefs. Unconsciously, I would wait for people to make magic in my life when it was actually me who holds all the secrets about what exactly that magic is.
If you think about it, you may find it true for you, too. You may be waiting for someone to really see you, acknowledge you, understand you. It may be a general hunger or it may be in response to an issue you’re currently dealing with.
Here is a great way to explore that situation. I offer deep thanks for whatever lovely spirit popped the following exercise into my brain! Use it for the delicious fun of it or for serious personal growth work when trying to solve a problem.
Decide on the context of the communication. Will it be for fun or for problem solving? Will it be about your love life, career issue, spiritual quest, whatever else? What’s eating you or what delicious topic would you like to explore?
In your mind, pick out someone to interact with. It depends on the situation. You might choose a complete fantasy stranger. If you’re working on a problem with a specific individual, you might want to choose that person.
Write a letter from that person to you expressing in that person’s words exactly what you would most like to hear. Write the letter you would most like to receive covering the content you most want to hear about.
Write a best case scenario. Don’t worry about reality as you perceive it now or over-think why this could not happen. Savor the experience of this person telling you exactly what you would like to hear.
You are the gatekeeper here. This is your virtual reality and you make up all the rules.
WHY DO THIS?
Because it’s fun. This exercise gives you an opportunity to feel what it’s like to get exactly what you want. Yes, it is fantasy, and no, it does not mean it will automatically come true. However, writing letters like these will fill your mind with delicious thoughts. To me it is a very arousing, inspiring form of entertainment (and it’s free!)
Because it’s enlightening. One of the joys of this process is that you discover things about yourself, specifically your wants and needs, that you may not be aware of or had forgotten. It’s a wonderful way to bring into consciousness what you are hungry for or how you would like a problem to be resolved for best outcomes.
Because it’s revealing. If you are dealing with a conflict, writing as the other person may give you an interesting breakthrough in perception. Subtle as it may be, projecting your mind into someone else’s personality for a little while can give you insights into how to move forward. You may develop more empathy for the other person as you work to get what you want. Solutions you had not thought of may pop into your mind as you write.
Sometimes just the act of writing will be enough. In some cases the work will be entirely imaginary, such as writing a letter from a person you do not know yet. In that case you may likely learn things about yourself and your cravings that you can apply to other aspects of your life.
In some cases you may want to share what you wrote with the person whom you impersonated during the writing. Understand that this is risky! You’re putting your most precious thoughts and cravings out there, and it could conceivably be shocking to that person, especially if they have not been paying close attention to the real you. You risk that your honesty will be too much for that person to handle and they’ll beat a hasty retreat or turn into an attack dog and snarl all over you.
On the other hand, being this honest with someone could bring into your life exactly what you want — or think you want. Your bold statements could inspire that person to offer you exactly what you crave. It’s like providing them with a map of your mental and emotional interior. They might be delighted to follow the map to please you because doing that is so pleasing to them.
The issue comes down to clear communication. How much of it do you want? How deep are you willing to go?
My personal belief: to get the relationships or results I want, it is important to share my truth. If that means losing a few fragile friendships or hearing no a few times, so be it. What’s left are the people who resonate the most with the real me and those who say yes. In the case of conflict resolution, the waters might even be riskier if you share your process so openly. It’s a gamble; sometimes you lose yet sometimes you win.
A good compromise would be to learn from your letter-writing. Discover what your cravings are. Then find a more subtle, less threatening way to communicate them to the appropriate person. If you continually get the green light for sharing, go for it. If you get red lights or flashing ambers, stop and go accordingly.
Start with enjoying the exercise, perhaps on a lower-risk topic. See how it goes. Notice how you feel. Let that be your guide and your inspiration.